"8So do not be ashamed to testify about our Lord, or ashamed of me His prisoner. But join with me in suffering for the gospel, by the power of God, 9who has saved us and called us to a holy life—not because of anything we have done but because of His own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time, 10but it has now been revealed through the appearing of our Savior, Christ Jesus, who has destroyed death and has brought life and immortality to light through the gospel. 11And of this gospel I was appointed a herald and an apostle and a teacher. 12That is why I am suffering as I am. Yet I am not ashamed, because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that He is able to guard what I have entrusted to him for that day." (2 Timothy 1:8-12)

   A good friend pointed me to this passage today, and God blessed me with a few thoughts on it.

   The first thing that jumped out at me was the line, "So, do not be ashamed to testify about our Lord, or ashamed of me His prisoner." (v.8) It made me ask why Paul had the confidence to say that we need not feel ashamed, and the answer can be found in the preceding verse, "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline." These three aspects are part of God's blessings, because He knows how difficult it is to live the Christian life well. That's why we can claim to have the spirit of power, because Jesus Christ has overcome the world, and all its attendant temptations and trials, on our behalf (John 16:33). "But take heart! I have overcome the world." A spirit of love helps us to face sufferings with gladness, because it reminds us that it is His love that enables us to "take heart!', to be like Paul and claim boldly, without grudges, that we are "His prisoner(s)." "'But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 10That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." Lastly, an attitude of self-discipline helps us more in the day-to-day struggles with pain, because it forces us to endure trials well. I'm amazed that God will bother to bless us with such attitudes of mind, and also humbled by Paul's example. It makes me wonder whether I see pain, whether big or small, in the same way, that they're all part of God's divine plan to make me into  a person He wants me to be.

   "But join with me in suffering for the gospel, by the power of God, 9who has saved us and called us to a holy life—not because of anything we have done but because of His own purpose and grace." (v.8-9) This verse starts out with a clarification that our suffering for God is only possible because He gives us the strength to. It puts our "trials" for Him in context, because it reinforces the idea that it is "not because of anything we have done, but because of His own purpose and grace." That is a personal challenge for me because very often I find myself taking pride in my service, when actually it is His grace that enables me to serve Him, and nothing else. This verse also exposes the  misconception that a holy life is equivalent to an easy Christian life, because here it clearly links "suffering for the gospel" with "a holy life". God clearly calls us to live a life that pleases Him, and this basically entails obeying His commands, building our characters so that we possess the Fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23) and serving the people around us. The part about God having a special purpose for each of our lives reminds me of Psalm 139:15-16,

      "15 My frame was not hidden from You
       when I was made in the secret place.
       When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

      16 Your eyes saw my unformed body.
       All the days ordained for me
       were written in Your book 
       before one of them came to be."

   "This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time, 10but it has now been revealed through the appearing of our Savior, Christ Jesus, who has destroyed death and has brought life and immortality to light through the gospel." (v.9-10) I found these two verses rather difficult to interpret at first, but after a while they became a bit clearer. Firstly, it refutes the false impression of the Old Testament God being an angry, judgemental God, because it firmly states that "this grace was given us ... before the beginning of time." However, Christ was the one who came "not ... to abolish them (the laws) but to fulfill them." (Matthew 5:17) In addition, He "brought life and immortality to light through the gospel." I had a hard time figuring out why Paul had to include these three words, because my usual idea of the gospel is the first 4 books of the New Testament. But I guess that looking at the root meaning of "gospel", it literally means "Good News", and this "Good News" is basically the idea of salvation by grace through faith. Maybe these three words are included because the gospel, with its many books and points of views, further illuminates and clarifies the ideas of life and immortality.

   And that is why Paul has the conviction to declare, "That is why I am suffering as I am." (v.12) It is because he saw the value of the gospel, especially since it had such a profound effect on his life (Acts 9). "Yet I am not ashamed, because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that He is able to guard what I have entrusted to him for that day." The firm declaration of belief is something that I yearn for, and I know that I can only get that when I can say like Paul, "because I know whom I have believed." His faith stemmed from a deep and intimate relationship with his Lord, which is something I can't profess to have now. I am also challenged to know this faith I have believed in: what it stands for, how it can help people, and what it personally means for me. The nature of God as a Guardian and Protector is very comforting, but it also makes me question why I still hesitate to entrust to Him my worries. Is it because I fear He cannot help me? Is it because of pride, of laziness?

   At the end of the day, I think that all I can cry out to God now is, "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!" (Mark 9:24) I still need Him to bring me through, every day, and I don't think I can ever contemplate a life without His guidance leading me through. What I want to challenge myself to do now is to just trust Him with the things I worry about, and rest "in the shadow of Your wings."